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New Medicines Now Available
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St . Mom's Wort
Plant extract that treats mom's depression
by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
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EmptyNestrogen
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy
by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as
teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
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Peptobimbo
Liquid silicone for single women.
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out
increases breast size, decreases intelligence and improves flirting.
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Dumerol
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
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Flipitor
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
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Anti-boy-otics
When administered to teenage girls, is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone
lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
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Menicillin
Potent antiboyotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person .......can we get naked now?"
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Buyagra
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
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Extra Strength Buy-One-All
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim
may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD
or a book by Dr. Laura.
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JackAsspirin
Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
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Anti-talksident
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone
too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
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Sexcedrin
Bedroom aerosol spray for men.
More effective than Excedrin in treating the,
"Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
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Ragamet
When administered to a husband, provides the
same irritation as ragging on him all weekend,
saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
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<<< N O T I C E >>>
Always consult your family physician before taking new medication.
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